Hold My Heart
by daughter-of-the-muses
Summary: Several months after her divorce, Robin is heartbroken and lonely. She wants Barney back, and is working up the courage to admit that she still loves him, but a tragedy renders her unable to speak to him.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I'm a bit nervous about actually publishing this. I've never written a fanfiction before, though I am a long time reader. I've never really written fiction, either; I pretty much only write lab reports and literary analyses. So please, if you notice something grammatically incorrect, or just have something that could improve future chapters, let me know. Constructive criticism is always welcome! This is set a few months after the Swarkles divorce in the finale. It's my attempt to correct the horrifying faults of Craig Thomas and Carter Bays. This isn't a oneshot, there will be multiple chapters, but I don't know when I'll get around to writing them seeing as I am a college student and also work part time. The title is from Sara Bareilles' song, which was my inspiration for the story.**

**Hope y'all enjoy!**

_Click_

The turn of the key in the lock of the storage locker door sounded throughout the empty hallway, the only other break in the silence being the buzz of the fluorescent lighting overhead. Robin inhaled, a rush of familiarity hitting her as she slid the metal door above her head. The dull ache that had throbbed deep in her chest for the past several months intensified and a lump rose in her throat, causing tears to prick the inside corners of her eyes.

The past several months since the divorce had been the most emotionally exhausting of Robin's life. Everything had been going fine, or so she thought, until Barney approached her with a complaint: he was proud of her hard work and many accomplishments, achieving her lifelong dream of becoming a foreign correspondent at World Wide News, however he was tired of always being placed second to her career. They argued constantly for weeks, Barney accusing her of not putting enough effort into their relationship and questioning her love for him while Robin stood her ground on her job, reminding him that he had been the one to encourage her to apply for the foreign correspondent position, knowing full well what the job entailed. Somewhere along the line, the subject of separation was brought up. Robin thought that compromising on her job in any way would mean relinquishing her inherently independent nature, so she suggested a divorce, not knowing that she would be making the biggest mistake of her life.

Everything started to fall apart about four days after signing the final divorce papers. Robin was on yet another assignment, this time in Mexico. She had decided to take herself out for the night to a local bar, where one of her cameramen had recommended she visit to try their infamous "El Luchador". She had ordered it, not knowing what to expect, and failed to fight back giggles as the bartender concocted the largest margarita she had ever seen, garnished with a miniature bottle of tequila stuck upside down in the frozen green drink. She quickly pulled out her phone, snapping a picture to send to Barney, but before she could hit "send" an overwhelming sadness washed over her. They were divorced. He wouldn't chuckle at the picture, then attempt to bribe her into bringing a couple home. New York City was no longer her home. _He _was no longer her home.

Half an hour later, the margarita was gone and the bartender was attempting to shove Robin into a cab.

After that, she threw herself into her work. She would arrive at work an hour early and immerse herself in paperwork. It would be well past 2 AM when she would stumble into her hotel room, having stopped by whatever local bar she could find immediately after her boss would force her out of the office. She would fall into bed and cry herself into a fitful sleep, craving the sensation of Barney's arms wrapped around her, his sleepy kisses starting on her forehead and trailing down the bridge of her nose, eventually finding their way to her lips.

Now she was here. Her boss had forced her to take a vacation after working nearly non-stop for two and a half months. She had been back in New York for two days. She hadn't even attempted to contact Lily or the rest of the gang, and as much as she wanted to, she hadn't visited Barney. She felt that the two of them seeing each other would only make her sad and him angry, two emotions that she didn't think she could tolerate in her current state. Somehow, she had ended up here, at 622 West 14th street. She surveyed the interior of the locker, which consisted mostly of cardboard boxes and plastic storage containers stacked on top of each other. Three hours later, she was sitting on the floor in the middle of them. She had a slate blue cashmere blanket wrapped around her shoulders, a wedding gift from some distant relative. She was flipping through a stack of photos the had taken together on their first Christmas after getting engaged, their cheeks rosy, the sparkle in their eyes matching the shimmer of the Rockefeller Christmas tree behind them. They were being very sappy that night, perhaps a little too sappy after chugging quite a bit of eggnog at the Stinson family Christmas party. Robin struggled to flip through the pictures as her hands shook. She could barely see the pictures anyway, tears pouring down her cheeks and blurring her vision. She wiped her nose on her sleeve before shoving the photos into her purse, along with some framed wedding pictures, a folder containing letters that Barney would write to her while she was away, and a bottle of Glen McKenna that they had been saving to drink together on their fifth anniversary. Robin reached into the open box in front of her, fishing around until she laid her hand on something soft. She grabbed onto whatever she was holding and pulled it out. It was a worn terry-cloth teddy bear, a gift from their first Valentine's Day as a married couple.

-February 14th, 2014-

Robin stepped off of the elevator onto hers and Barney's apartment floor after a long day at work. She was exhausted. Several other employees had taken the day off to spend with their significant others, and it was up to her to pick up the slack. Upon her return home, she was not expecting to see her husband waiting outside the door with a bouquet of red roses in hand. He wasn't in his usual suit, but in a sleek, jet black tux, one he reserved for his and Robin's date nights. After a quick kiss hello, she sighed. "Barney, babe, I know you probably have something big planned for tonight, but I'm not really feeling up to going out. Is there any way we can just stay in tonight?"

Barney gave her a knowing smirk. "Sure we can."

He twisted the doorknob and let the door swing open. Robin walked in and gasped. The lights had been dimmed, but there was an ethereal glow flooding the room from the dozens of candles Barney had placed everywhere. The couch had been pushed against the wall, and in the middle of the room sat a white tablecloth covered table and two chairs sitting on either side. A tall pillar candle was placed in the middle of the table, the flame dancing, and two places had been set using the fine china and engraved silverware that Barney and Robin had received as wedding gifts. The savory scent of rosemary grilled shrimp and fresh bruschetta wafted from aluminum containers on the kitchen counter, beside a large bottle of sauvignon blanc. Robin stood in awe of the scene before her as Barney gently lifted her coat from her shoulders and hung it on the coat rack behind them. A moment later, Robin turned to face her husband.

"Did you do this?" she breathed. Barney simply grinned and lightly kissed her.

"Happy Valentine's Day, darling."

Robin sighed. "Barney, this is so sweet, but it's… it's too much. I mean, I didn't even get you anything." Barney shrugged. "It was nothing. You know what you can give me? A nice, quiet night in with my beautiful wife."

"I can do that."

He placed a hand on the small of her back and led her to the table, pulling her chair out for her as she sat down. He took both of their plates into the kitchen and filled them with the warm food that he had made. He brought the plates back to the table and sat down, but as he reached for his fork, Robin placed her hand over his and gripped it tightly.

"Barn, thank you. For everything. You're too good to me." Again, Barney shrugged. "Like I said, it was nothing. I just wanted to do something special to celebrate today with the love of my life. Which reminds me…" Barney pulled the napkin off his lap and set it beside his plate, then dashed off into the bedroom. Robin watched him leave, sipping her wine. When he returned, he held one hand behind his back, and in the other hand was a black rectangular box, clearly jewelry of some sort. He was grinning innocently, like a small child. "I got you presents."

"Barney, seriously, this is too much, and I—"

"Hey Robin?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

He pushed the black box toward her. She took it and opened it, gasping at what she saw. It was a locket, with "S+S, 5-26-2013" engraved on the front. Robin lifted the slender silver chain out of the box and unhooked the clasp on the locket. Inside was a tiny picture of Robin and Barney during their first dance at their wedding, foreheads pressed together, bodies intertwined, the rest of the world faded away. It was Robin's favorite, the same one that she had enlarged and hung in their bedroom. "Barney, it's beautiful. Thank you so much." Robin gave her husband a watery smile.

"That's not it." Barney then handed her a brown teddy bear, a large red bow around its neck. Robin took the bear and stared at it for a moment, then snorted.

"Ok, this is good. Everything else- dinner, the candles, the locket- that was really sweet, Barn, and again, thank you, but this? A teddy bear?" Barney watched her reaction. "What's wrong with it?"

"Well, it's a bit cheesy, don't you think? What are we, twelve?"

"Robin, it's our first Valentine's Day as a married couple, so could you just? Okay?" Robin giggled, then set the bear down on the table. "I appreciate the thought, babe." Barney sat down across from her, and the two started to eat. "It's a cute bear." Barney mumbled into his food. "Awww, yeah. Sure, baby." Robin chuckled.

-October 7th, 2014-

"Hi, Mr. Donovan? This is Barney Stinson, Robin's husband? I'm just calling to let you know that she won't be coming in to work today, or the rest of this week for that matter. Unfortunately she's come down with the flu or someth- _Would you just get back in bed already? _Yeah, sorry, so just calling to let you know. Alright, thanks. Bye."

Robin rarely ever got sick, but in the fall of 2014, she got hit pretty hard. She had tried to fake being fine so that Barney would allow her to go to work, but no dice. He had woken her up with kisses and had immediately noticed her rising temperature. She couldn't sneak out, either, thanks to Barney being so overprotective. She really didn't like being watched so closely, especially when she was so sick (she preferred to lick her wounds in private) but she had to admit, her husband pampering her was pretty nice. He was constantly by her side, holding her hair back as she lost last night's dinner, fluffing her pillows for her, even reading to her because she was too tired to watch television and her eyes hurt too much to read the pages herself. For someone so set in her independence, Robin was appreciative of the care that her husband doled out to her.

"Barney, seriously, I'm feeling better. Can I at least go out to run some errands? This is ridiculous."

"Nope. You're sick, you need rest. And there is no way you are going out wearing that." Robin, in a fever induced haze, had slipped a coat and snow boots over her plaid pajama bottoms and Canucks tee shirt. Barney pushed her back onto the bed, pulling the boots and coat off and tossing them to the side. He grabbed some fluffy knit socks and pulled them onto her feet, then tucked her into bed. "Be right back," he said, kissing her on the forehead. Robin pouted as she watched him disappear into the kitchen. He returned with a medicine bottle, a glass of juice, and the Valentine's Day teddy bear. "Here, this should help bring your fever down." He passed her the medicine bottle, then held the juice glass upright for her as she washed the pills down. He set the glass on the bedside table. "What's with the bear?"

"To keep you company."

"Seriously?"

"What? He's cute, Robin. Humor me." Robin groaned, then took the bear from his grasp. "Fine." Barney slid into his side of the bed, then tucked the bear into the sheets between them. "What's his name?" Robin cocked an eyebrow at her husband. "What are you talking about?"

"The bear. He has to have a name."

Robin smirked. "You are such a child."

"How about Cocoa? Or… I don't know… Fluffy?"

"Fluffy? Really?"

"What, do you have something better?"

Robin thought for a moment. "Roosevelt."

"What kind of a name is that?"

"Well, think about it, B. The teddy bear was named after President Theodore Roosevelt. I'm not naming him Theodore, that's too weird, but Roosevelt's more… I don't know… practical?"

Barney scoffed. "Alright, Miss Practical. Roosevelt it is, then." Robin smiled, then wrapped her arms around Barney's torso, laying her flushed cheek against his chest. Barney took Roosevelt and tapped the bear's nose against Robin's forehead.

"Feel better, babe."

"Thanks for taking such good care of me," Robin whispered as she drifted off to sleep.

-March 3rd, 2015-

Robin sighed as she flipped the lights on once again. She had been assigned to three weeks in London, covering a United Nations summit. Unfortunately, Barney had a string of meetings to attend at work, and couldn't take the time off to go with her. Usually, Robin didn't mind going on trips alone. She didn't have to worry about making time for her and Barney—she could fully immerse herself in work, conducting research and interviews in her time off. Being alone was never an issue, as she would always call Barney (regardless of time zone difference) and they would talk to each other about their day. At night, he would talk to her until she fell asleep, and he would do the same to her. It was a comfort to hear his voice, low and gentle, and she could pretend that he was lying in bed next to her instead of being countries away. Tonight, however, he was stuck in a meeting and couldn't escape to talk to her, so she had to get to sleep without him. She was not very successful. Robin rolled over and flipped the switch on her phone, squinting to adjust to the brightness as she checked the time. 3:22 AM. She had exactly three hours and eight minutes to fall asleep before she had to get up for work. Robin pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes, wishing that she would fall asleep. When did she become so dependent on Barney? She finally flipped on the lights and climbed out of bed, desperate for a release from her insomnia. She began digging through her suitcase, looking for some cold medicine to knock her out, when Roosevelt rolled into her lap. She picked the bear up and chuckled. _Barney must have snuck him into my bag _she thought. She lifted Roosevelt to her face, inhaling the scent of Barney's cologne. She immediately felt calmer, more relaxed. Robin climbed back into bed and flipped off the lights, cuddling the teddy bear to her chest. She was asleep in minutes. This started a habit; whenever Barney found himself unable to accompany her on a trip, she would make sure to pack Roosevelt into her carry-on, substituting the bear for her husband's presence.

-Present Day-

Robin squeezed the teddy bear in her fists, tears pouring from her eyes as she sobbed uncontrollably. The aching in her chest had increased and throbbed with each sob that wracked her body. This continued on for quite some time, until Robin decided that she should leave. She wrapped Roosevelt in the cashmere blanket that had formerly been draped around her shoulders. She picked up her purse, which was weighed down with several other items that she had chosen to keep for whatever reason, and left the storage locker. When she returned to the hotel room that she was occupying during her short return to New York, she collapsed onto the bed. She pulled the blue blanket up to her chin, reveling in the softness and the memories that came with it; Barney would wrap this blanket around the both of them when they would stay up to watch a movie, then would swaddle his wife as he lifted her sleeping form and carried her off to bed. Robin also clutched Roosevelt. She had exhausted herself from crying, an action that had now become an everyday occurrence, yet she had not slept well since the divorce. This night was different, however; within minutes she drifted off to sleep, and she slept throughout the night, wrapped in the memories of her lost relationship with her true love.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey y'all, I got chapter 2! This chapter is quite a bit shorter than the first chapter, and I assume that all subsequent chapters will be closer to the length of this one. I am trying to update on some sort of schedule, but I am officially back in school, and am not sure how much time I will have to spend on writing this. However, the plot starts to pick up a little in this one, so I hope y'all enjoy it.**

**By the way, a huge thank you to everyone who read, favorited, and followed this story, as well as a HUGE thank you to ImperiumWife, slippingunderneath, BeneathTheUmbrella, AlwaysSandcastles, and cybergirl26 for leaving reviews! Your support means the world to me!**

**Also: I have a Tumblr account under daughter-of-the-muses, so follow me on there if you want to!**

**Thanks y'all!**

-January 4th, 2017-

Robin sat up in her bed, drenched in a cold sweat. Once again, the squeal and crash of bombs in the distance had woken her, reverberating around the outdated hotel room and causing her head to throb. She was currently stationed in Poland, reporting on an extensive government upheaval. Some violent groups of protesters had started attacking local government facilities, which Robin would be reporting on the following day. She was terrified, as she always was when reporting from what was essentially a war zone. _This is the kind of assignment that would drive Barney crazy, _she thought to herself, _and for good reason. _When they were married, Barney would become extra paranoid when Robin would travel alone on dangerous assignments, calling her as frequently as he could to check on her.

Robin smiled at this memory. As much as she despised clingy, over-dependent relationships, the knowledge that her husband was concerned for her safety was comforting. She wondered if he still worried, if he still laid in bed at night, unable to sleep due to the pervading thought that he might never see the love of his life again. Her smile slipped away and tears stung the backs of her eyes as she realized that he probably didn't care anymore. They hadn't spoken once in the several months since the divorce. Why should he still lose sleep over the safety of someone he no longer loved?

Another explosion rattled the window frame. Robin's whole body shivered, and she wiped the tears from her eyes as she turned on the bedside lamp and crawled out of bed. It was time for her old stand-by, the only way she could fall asleep and stay asleep. She pulled the ratty teddy bear out of her duffel bag, straightening the deep blue silk tie that she had tied around its neck. She climbed back into her bed, clutching Roosevelt, and reached for her phone. She had a long voicemail saved on her phone, one of the last that Barney had left before the divorce, and she would play it over her phone's speaker to hear his voice as she fell asleep.

_Hey, sweet girl. Just calling to check in. I know you're probably at work right now, but it's 2 AM in New York and I can't sleep. You know how I worry about you. If you get a chance, could you just shoot me a text, let me know you're okay? Please? I can't wait for you to get home. This probably sounds ridiculous, but this bed is so empty without you here. Hey, after I pick you up at the airport next Thursday, do you want to swing by Marshall and Lily's place before we head home? We haven't seen them in a while, maybe we could all grab some dinner somewhere. Anyway, if you can, call me back when you get this, or at least send me a message of some sort. I love you so much, darling. Please be safe._

-January 5th, 2017-

"Live from Warsaw, I'm Robin Scherbatsky with World Wide News. Goodnight, America."

Robin shot the camera her signature smile, holding the grin until the cameras cut off. Then she sighed. Her heart was pounding. She reached around her neck and pulled the chain that held her wedding ring from underneath her blouse, rubbing the large diamond. She turned to look down the street behind her, where a large group of protesters had gathered. It was an otherwise beautiful day, the sun beaming from behind the trees, the temperature reaching a high of 52 degrees. Any other time, Robin would have reveled in the sunshine, enjoying the light and warmth after a long week of icy rain, however she couldn't shake the unexplainable sense of dread that sank in her stomach. Her cameraman tapped her on the shoulder, handing her a thermos of coffee, but she refused it. She could taste the bile churning at the back of her throat, and she wiped her sweaty palms on her wool dress pants.

"Do you think we could get closer?" asked Jay, the sound technician who controlled the microphones that they were using. It was just Jay, Robin, and Mike, the cameraman, standing on a sidewalk just a few blocks away from the growing crowd of protesters.

"I'd rather not. I think we're fine here," breathed Robin. Her head was beginning to swim.

Just then, it happened.

Several men had gathered in an empty storefront directly behind the World Wide News crew testing homemade bombs when one accidentally blew, shattering the windows of the storefront. The explosion blasted several feet around them, knocking Robin backwards into the street.

Her ears rang as the world around her sharply faded to black.

-New York City-

Barney was sitting on the couch in the Fortress, flipping channels on the television but not paying much attention to the programs flashing across the screen. He had lost interest in several forms of entertainment after the divorce, yet he kept the television on to provide background noise, keeping him from sinking too far into his own thoughts. If left alone, he would often begin thinking about ways he could have convinced Robin to stay, and how their relationship could have played out differently. Then he would remember that Robin was at fault for the downfall of their marriage, and he would become inexplicably angry. After this sweep of emotions occurring multiple times daily for the first few weeks after the divorce, he found himself exhausted, and would rely on mind numbing reality shows and trashy series to keep his mind occupied.

It was then that he flipped to the evening World Wide News broadcast, catching the end of Robin's broadcast from Poland. He sighed, staring up at his ex-wife on the gigantic screen. She flashed a smile to the camera, signing off, and Barney squinted as he noticed a slight twitch in her lower jaw.

_Fake smile, _he thought. _She's scared. _

After years of being madly in love with Robin, whether they were in a relationship or not, Barney had started to pick up on small signals and minute changes in Robin's body language. He was able to sense what she was thinking or feeling simply from watching her closely. He realized that she was broadcasting from Warsaw, a city that had been invading the news recently because of the violence against the government. Barney picked up his phone, dialing Robin's number. He wanted to call her to reassure her that she was okay. His finger hovered over the green Connect button before he ended the call.

_She's fine, _he told himself. _She made it perfectly clear that she doesn't need you anymore._

Before he realized what he was doing, he had opened the photo library on his phone, scrolling through pictures that he had kept from the marriage. Wedding pictures, honeymoon photos, that one naked selfie of him and Robin that had not-so-accidentally been sent to Ted after they had snuck away to his bedroom and had sex in his bed. Barney smirked at the snapshots of him and Robin, sitting in airports, sleeping on planes, visiting famous landmarks across the globe. He had always admired Robin's sense of adventure, and found himself lucky to be able to share these adventures with his best friend.

He scrolled through the photos for quite some time before an unknown number flashed across the screen. Barney's brow furrowed as he hit the Answer Call button.

"Hello?"

"Is this Mr. Stinson?"

"It is. Who is this?"

"Hello, Mr. Stinson, my name is Tanya. I am calling about your wife, Robin-"

"She's not my wife. Not anymore."

"Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Stinson, you are the only number listed as an emergency contact on her file. I just wanted to say that I am with Szpital Medicover here in Warsaw. I am afraid that your wife- excuse me, ex-wife- has been involved in a minor bombing incident. A bomb went off, caused by one of the violent protesting groups, and Miss Scherbatsky has been injured and is currently in critical condition. I wish I could give you more information, Mr. Stinson, but I am not allowed to divulge too much in a phone conversation…"

Barney's mind went blank. His heart was pounding, and he was short of breath. _She's hurt. My sweet girl is hurt._

"O-okay, Miss, um… what can I do? Do I need to be there? I can get on the next plane to Warsaw, just tell me what to do, I don't know what to do."

_Oh God Oh God Oh God_

"Yes, Mr. Stinson, we would like for you to come to the hospital if you can. We need for you to fill out some paperwork so we can perform surgery. When you get here, come to the Neurosurgery Unit. Thank you."

_Neurosurgery? That's her brain. Something's wrong with her brain._

Barney ended the call and attempted to stand up on shaky legs. He grabbed his keys from the counter, then dropped them as he rushed to the bathroom and emptied his stomach. He ran into the bedroom, throwing several articles of clothing and other necessities into a bag, calling his Airline Ticket Guy and booking a seat on the next flight to Warsaw. He grabbed his suitcase and keys and rushed out the door, heading to LaGuardia airport.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, y'all! Sorry this chapter is a bit late. I meant to have it finished and posted earlier this week, but obviously things didn't go as planned. Oh well. Also, I feel like this chapter is really short for some reason. Like, it took me forever to write it, but now that it's done it doesn't feel very wrong. However, I've already started brainstorming for the fourth chapter, and hope to have that up soon, possibly at the start of next week (yay!).**

**Again, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who has been supporting this! You guys are the best! I really hope you like this chapter! Let me know what you think about it!**

The tail of Barney's suit jacket flailed behind him as he ran through the halls of the hospital. As soon as the doors of the plane opened on the tarmac in Warsaw, he started running, not even bothering to hail a cab or wait for a bus. He had researched the location of the hospital during the flight, and knew exactly how to get there from the airport. He skidded to a stop in front of a nurse's station in the Neurosurgery Unit.

"My name's Barney Stinson, I'm looking for Robin," he gasped, trying desperately to breathe.

The nurse at the desk stared at him with wide eyes before turning to another nurse, speaking quickly in Polish. The second nurse watched Barney carefully, then left. The first nurse turned back to Barney, who was wiping sweat from his forehead and breathing heavily.

"_Czekać," _she told him, holding her hand up to indicate that he should wait.

Barney gulped, still attempting to catch his breath.

The nurse from before returned, this time with a third nurse.

"Mr…. Stinson?" she asked.

"Yeah, that's me. I'm looking for my-" he stopped. What was Robin to him now? "My wife, I'm looking for my wife."

"Ah yes, Mr. Stinson, we spoke on the phone," said the nurse in a thick Polish accent. Barney noticed her eyes fill with sorrow. "We had to take her to surgery. Her brain was swelling too much, and we had to stop it."

"Wait, what? What's going on?"

"I am sorry Mr. Stinson, it was an emergency, we had to act immediately. Right now, your wife is suffering from a traumatic injury. She is currently in critical condition. Unfortunately we do not have the resources to help her specific injury here. As soon as she is stable, she will be transported to Charité University Medical Centre in Berlin. They can help her more there."

Barney blinked, his head swimming with the sudden intake of information. "Wh-what? Where is she now? I need to see her, please."

"Mr. Stinson, she is in surgery, it will be quite some time before they will finish. There is a room just down the hall where you may wait. A doctor will come to speak with you as soon as we have more information."

Barney nodded quickly, his eyes filling with tears of worry and frustration. He hung his head as he walked down the hall towards the waiting room. He walked into a near empty room, the only other occupant being an older lady sitting at a desk. She nodded gravely at him as he entered. Barney shuffled over to a plush couch, glancing around the room. Chairs were scattered everywhere, along with a few couches and tables. Magazines had been haphazardly tossed on the tables, and a television in the upper corner of the room silently displayed the local news. It was currently about 11:00 AM, 5:00 AM in New York. Barney leaned his head back against the wall behind him, closing his eyes that ached from exhaustion. He had been unable to sleep on the flight, trying everything he could to keep his mind from wandering to the reason he was flying to Poland, in case he were to break down on the plane.

He shot upward, the reality of his trip hitting him, his heart slamming into the walls of his rib cage. He found himself once again gasping for air, this time for a different reason.

Robin was having surgery. His Robin. _Brain _surgery.

His eyes burned, a sharp lump forming at the base of his throat. He could feel a sob rising in his chest. He had to talk to someone. He watched the receptionist as she continued her paperwork, then he reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and dialing the first number that came to mind.

"Hello?" Lily answered groggily. _Right, it's super freaking early back home._

"Lily?" Barney asked weakly.

"Barney, do you know what time it is? What's going on?"

"I'm s-sorry." The sob finally bubbled out of his throat, and he scrunched his eyes in an attempt to fight back the impending meltdown. "I just… I need you right now."

"What? Barney, where are you?"

"I'm in Poland. Robin, um… Robin was in an accident. She's hurt. She's hurt real bad, Lil."

"Wait, did you say Poland? What are you talking about?"

Barney sniffled, wiping tears from his eyes. "_Robin, _Lily. She was here on assignment and a bomb blew up and she got hit. She's…" his face contorted, his voice shifting up an octave as the tears flowed more freely down his cheeks. "She's in surgery. Lily… I… I need you."

"Barney," Lily sounded panicked. "What have the doctors told you?"

"_Nothing. _Absolutely nothing. Just that she has a brain injury and she's in critical condition. I'm not even sure what that means…"

Barney heard Lily gulp over the phone. "Are you sure they said 'critical'?" she whispered.

"Yeah, what…. What is that?"

Lily breathed, her voice choked from the onset of tears. "That's bad, Barney. That's really bad. That means the doctors aren't sure if she's going to make it."

Barney froze. _No. _His mind went blank as Lily continued to speak.

"Barney, what hospital are you in? I'm looking for a flight out right now, okay? We're going to come out there. Me and Marshall. The kids are staying with Judy, I'll just call her and have her keep them longer. I'll call Ted too, I'm going to call him and let him know what's going on and he'll come with us, him and Tracy. Oh God, Barney… Oh my God… why is this happening?"

Barney's entire body was numb. He licked his lips, attempting to strike some connection with his muscles. "You're coming?"

Lily was crying. "Of course we are sweetie, you don't need to be alone right now. You need your family."

"O-okay. Thank you."

"Absolutely. I love you, sweetie. We all do. I'll give you a call later, at the airport."

"'Kay. Thanks, Lil. Love you."

Barney hung up the phone, somewhat calmer now that he had been reassured that his friends were coming to stay with him. Tears started to well up again in his eyes as he glanced around the room. The receptionist had left, leaving him alone. He buried his face in his hands.

_God? I know I don't do this often, but I really need your help right now. Please, all I ask is that you don't take my girl away from me. I know I've done some horrible things in the past, and I promise that I'll try to make up for them, just please, please leave Robin here with me._

Barney had begun to mindlessly scroll through the pictures of him and Robin that he kept on his phone. They were so happy. What happened?

He thought back to the last few months before the divorce. Robin loved him, she really did. Always had. But she had been dreaming of a foreign correspondent position for much longer. Why did he have to make her choose? Barney sighed, trying to remember his reasoning. It wasn't fair to him that she was so preoccupied with her job, but… a divorce was even worse. He hadn't seen her in months, hadn't talked to her since…

There was that one night that Robin left a voicemail, around three in the morning. She was drunk. Really drunk. Her words were so slurred that it was hard to comprehend what she was saying. Something about being sorry? And a margarita? She had started to giggle uncontrollably about halfway through, then stopped. She whispered, "I love you Barney. I love you so much." Barney could sense the sadness behind her words, knowing that she was on the verge of tears. He was heartbroken, knowing that she was upset. But when he called her about it the next morning, she just said, "Don't worry about it. 'm fine." And she hung up.

Barney stopped scrolling when he came upon a picture of him and Robin, taken in Costa Rica on one of Robin's assignments. They had four full days to spend together, and filled those with as many activities as they could, from visiting some of the national parks, to planting trees in the rainforest, to sneaking away to have sex on one of the crystal clear beaches. This particular day, however, they had decided to visit La Catarata de la Fortuna, a large waterfall in the northern part of the country. To access the waterfall, they had to walk down a long set of stone steps, which was exhausting, especially considering the heat and humidity of the early June afternoon. They were standing in the cool water, the waterfall in the background. Their eyes were bright and their faces were flushed, but they were smiling widely as they clung onto one another. A somber smile flashed across Barney's face as he remembered that trip. He leaned his head back against the couch, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. It wasn't long before he had drifted off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, remember in the last update when I said I would have this chapter up earlier this week? Ha. Hahaha. I just had a rough week, y'all. Between my art final, class, and work, plus I got into my first car wreck Tuesday night, I just haven't had as much free time. And the free time I did have was spent watching Netflix and Froderfuns on YouTube. (If you don't watch Froderfun, what are you doing with your life?) Anywho, I started this chapter today, and I just couldn't stop, hence why it is so long. So long. It would have been longer, but I didn't feel like writing anymore, hence why the ending might be a bit awkward. But it's done! Also no promises on when the next one will be up. I start a new class schedule this week, which you guys probably don't care, but yeah. Gotta get that degree.**

**Also: Cobie Smulders had her baby! I'm so excited for her and Taran. I have been lowkey stalking them for the past few days waiting for a name announcement. But yay!**

**Also also: I meant to put this on the other chapters, but I forgot. DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Nothing. Not HIMYM, not James Taylor, nothing. So there.**

**Enough of my rambling. Enjoy!**

Chapter 4

"Mr. Stinson?"

Barney woke to see a tall doctor standing over him, gently shaking his arm. He sat up on the leather couch in the waiting room, his neck, shoulders, and back sore from leaning awkwardly against the armrest of the couch for several hours while he slept.

"Hm?"

"Hi, Mr. Stinson. My name is Dr. Daniels, I'm the neurologist in charge of your wife's case."

Barney blinked, clearing the fog from his head as he remembered where he was. "You speak English."

Dr. Daniels smirked. "Yeah, this is a pretty large hospital, we have several doctors that speak both Polish and English. Anyway, I'm here to fill you in on what's going on with your wife."

"Wife? Oh, right. Robin. So what's going on exactly?"

Dr. Daniels sighed, a somber look passing over his face. "I'm going to preface this by saying that I won't be sugarcoating anything. I need you to understand exactly how serious the situation is. Honestly, your wife is very lucky to be alive. We don't see brain injury cases like this very often, not because they're rare, but because the patient usually doesn't make it to this stage. They're often gone by the time they reach the hospital."

Barney felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach. He was breathing heavily, nausea rolling in the pit of his stomach.

"However, your wife is very strong and resilient. She was in excellent shape prior to the accident, and her health records are outstanding, which is fortunate. Mrs. Scherbatsky has suffered what we call a TBI, or Traumatic Brain Injury. The impact from the bomb cracked her skull and caused her brain to swell. We had to perform surgery to reduce the swelling. Right now your wife is in a medically induced coma, and we're going to try to keep her under for a while. It's highly doubtful that she will be waking up anytime soon. Her brain needs to rest."

"But she will, right? She'll wake up?"

Dr. Daniels paused. "Mr. Stinson, we're not out of the woods yet. As you've already been told, we'll need to transfer your wife to a larger hospital in Berlin, one with a better neurological department. If all goes well, she'll wake up there, and then we can transport her back stateside. You're from New York, correct?"

Barney nodded.

"Good, good. As I said, right now you're wife is in a coma. She sustained quite a few broken bones from the accident. Her left leg is in traction, and she has a couple broken ribs. She also dislocated her shoulder. Right now our primary concern is her brain. Broken bones heal. An injured brain is more complicated. Unfortunately we won't know the extent of her injuries until she wakes up. Luckily, she is able to breathe on her own, yet her lungs are weak so she is receiving oxygen. If you'd like, I can take you to her recovery room so you can see her."

"Yes. Yes, I would like to see her."

Dr. Daniels stood, Barney following him as they stepped out of the waiting room and into the hallway. "Right this way."

As they walked down the hall, Dr. Daniels fell in step beside Barney. "Now, Mr. Stinson, I do have to warn you, her brain is very sensitive right now. All of the lights in her room must remain off, and there are to be no loud noises. Any stimulation could cause her brain to swell again. You may speak with her, but keep your voice to a whisper."

Barney watched him as he spoke. "Can she hear me?"

"Possibly. Of course, we won't know for sure. When she wakes, assuming that she will, she won't remember anything, however with the state she is in right now, she is probably very frightened. A familiar voice could comfort her."

Barney nodded, the pair arriving at a large wooden door. Dr. Daniels pressed a button beside the door, and a voice came over an intercom.

"_Mogę pomóc?"_

Dr. Daniels pressed a green button, speaking into the intercom. "_Tak, to jest doktor Daniels."_

The wooden door ahead of them clicked, and Dr. Daniels pushed it open. Two nurses stood at the front desk and smiled at the two men as they entered. Dr. Daniels turned to one of the nurses, explaining to them in Polish who Barney was and granting him access to the hall. The nurse nodded and began typing into a computer. Dr. Daniels turned to Barney. "I understand you don't speak Polish. This is John, one of the nurses here in the department." Dr. Daniels gestured to a tall blonde nurse. "He speaks English. He will be here during the day. Nurse Sarah will be here later tonight, she speaks English as well. They are giving you full access to the hall, so whenever you want to enter, press that green button out there and tell them who you are and who you're here to see. One of them will let you in."

Barney nodded as Dr. Daniels thanked the two nurses. The two continued on down the narrow hallway, passing rooms on either side. They came to stop at a room with a large sliding glass door. The curtains over the windows and door were drawn. Dr. Daniels pushed the door open, and they stepped inside.

Robin was lying on the hospital bed. Barney stared at her, tears rushing to his eyes. She had never looked so small and pale. Her head was bandaged, and the majority of her face was covered in bruises. She had a large gash under one eye that had been stitched closed. She had an oxygen mask covering her mouth and nose. There were tubes and wires everywhere, taped to her chest and connected to her head and arms. Barney stepped closer to her, his hands shaking. His vision was blurred as tears poured from his eyes.

Dr. Daniels placed his hand on Barney's shoulder. "I'll leave you with her. A nurse will be in in just a few minutes to check her vitals. If anything happens, press the red call button on the wall just behind her bed," he whispered. He slid the door open and stepped out, closing the door behind him.

Barney swallowed, trying not to sob, as he knew the loud noises might disturb Robin. He placed a hand on her arm, rubbing the small area that was not covered in wires and tape.

"Oh my God. Oh my God," he whispered. "What happened, baby?"

He pulled a chair to the side of her bed, sitting down and grasping for her hand. He clutched her hand tightly in his, rubbing small circles on the back of her hand with his thumb, careful not to hit the IV that was taped to her hand. He licked his lips, sitting up straight and leaning in so he could talk to her. He swallowed, attempting to keep his voice steady.

"Hi, sweet girl. It's me, Barney. The doctors called me to come here. Apparently I'm your emergency contact. Um… I just… um…." He struggled to find anything to say to her. "I just wanted to let you know… um… I know we haven't talked in a while, and we ended on pretty bad terms, but… I love you. I still love you. Always have, always will. And… I know you probably can't hear me, but… I think we messed up. Yeah, we messed up. We should have, I don't know… gone to counseling or something. We gave up too easily. If I had known that I would miss you this much, I would have fought for you. And now… you need to wake up so I can tell you this… you are the love of my life. Seriously."

Barney swallowed hard, struggling to continue. "You have to wake up. Not now, take your time, but you can't leave me. I need you. I need you to fight, I need you to be strong. It won't be much longer and we'll be going to Germany, and the doctors there can help you. I just need you to hold on until then, okay? Don't leave me, baby." He leaned over to plant a kiss on her cheek. "I love you so much."

He couldn't hold back any longer. His tears were flowing more freely now, and his hands were getting clammy. "Why did this happen to you? You don't deserve this. But it's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. I love you."

He buried his face in the blankets bundled up beside her, sobbing as quietly as he could, gently squeezing her hand. He could hear the nurse slip in the room behind him, but he didn't care. He just wanted to be as close to Robin as he could. After a few minutes, the nurse slipped back out of the room. Barney lifted his head, glancing at the monitors behind the bed. He couldn't read any of them, but he figured everything was relatively normal. He turned back to Robin, leaning in close. His right hand was still locked in hers, and he placed his other hand to rest on her cheek. He sniffled, trying to think of what else he could say to her, before it hit him. His voice was shaking, but gentle as he began to sing.

"_Every now and then the things I lean on lose their meaning,_

_And I find myself careening in places where I should not let me go._

_She has the power to go where no one else can find me and to silently remind me_

_Of the happiness and the good times that I know, and then I just got to go then."_

He laid his head back on the blankets, closing his eyes. He wasn't tired; in fact, his heart was pounding, pumping blood through his veins at an alarming rate. He had been in that position for quite some time when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. It was Lily.

"Lily's calling me. I gotta step out for a sec, babe. I'll be back."

He let go of her hand and stepped out into the hall way. He pressed the Answer Call button, but as soon as he raised his phone to his ear, he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was John, the nurse from the front desk.

"Sorry, sir. We don't allow phones in this wing. You'll need to step outside," he said, pointing to a large sign on the wall that said _Nie Telefony Dozwolone._

"Uh, hang on Lil, I need to find a better place to talk." Barney hurried down the hall and out into the stairwell, trying not to get too far from Robin. The wooden door swung behind him, clicking shut.

"Alright, that's better. What's up?"

"Hey, sweetie. We just stepped off the plane, we're at the airport now."

"Oh, great. I'll text you the name of the hospital, you can take a cab over here. It's not far from the airport."

"Okay, thanks. How is she? Have you seen her yet?"

Barney sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I've been sitting back there with her for a while. She's um…. She's…. It's not good, Lil. She's in a coma. I'll explain more when you get here."

"A coma? Oh my God, poor thing. She's going to be okay, though, right?"

"I don't know, Lily. It's a lot, so I'll explain more when you get here, like I said."

"Okay, sweetie. We're in line for a cab now. Do you want us to bring you anything? Have you eaten?"

"No, thanks. Not hungry. If I get hungry later, there's probably a cafeteria here somewhere. But… hey, could you maybe stop by the hotel Robin was staying in, see if you can get in her room and grab her stuff? She doesn't need it, but I would feel better if her things were here, ya know?"

"Yeah, of course. I'll let you get back to Robin. Text me the name of the hotel she was in, we'll swing by there on our way. Love you, sweetie. Give Robin our love."

Barney smiled in relief. "Love you too, Lil. Thanks so much." He switched his phone off and walked back towards Robin's room. Dr. Daniels was inside, reading information off of the monitors and checking the tubes that were connected to her head. He smiled at Barney as he stepped inside. "Everything's looking good so far, Mr. Stinson. Do you mind stepping outside so we can talk?"

Barney glanced at Robin, not wanting to leave her again. "Oh, uh… sure."

The two men left the room, Dr. Daniels closing the door behind them. "Like I said, everything's looking good. She's pretty stable right now. I want to keep her here for one more night, just to keep an eye on her condition. I don't think anything will happen, but you never know in these situations. Anyway, if she's still doing well tomorrow, we could get her in another room. I'll have to check for an opening, but she might be out of here by noon tomorrow."

Barney stared at him, confused. "Wait, why are you moving her?"

"Technically, this is a critical care unit. She's still in critical condition, but she's stabilizing. We'll move her to the Neuro ICU. The nurses there will still monitor her closely, but the rooms are bigger so the two of you can have a bit more room. You'll also be able to stay with her overnight. Unfortunately on this wing we can't allow guests in the room past visiting hours. We'll just have to keep a close watch on her condition throughout the night. Do you have any family or friends you would like to call?"

"Yeah, actually our friends are on the way here now. Is it okay if they come see her?"

Dr. Daniels thought for a second. "Um… yeah. Just make sure you only bring one person back at a time, everyone else must stay in the waiting room. No one under the age of twelve is allowed in the room, and remember, no lights or loud noises. She's still very fragile."

"Alright, thanks."

Dr. Daniels started to walk away, then turned back to Barney. "Before I forget, we have your wife's possessions. She had her phone and wallet on her at the time of the accident. We also have her shoes and jewelry. The nurses had to toss her clothing out; they were covered in blood. But everything else we have here at the nurse's station. I'll go get it for you."

Barney stood outside the door as he watched Dr. Daniels walk to the nurse's station, then return with a large plastic bag. Dr. Daniels handed him the bag, then turned to leave. Barney went back into Robin's room, taking his seat beside her bed once again and digging through the bag. He pulled her wallet and phone out, laying them on the overbed table beside him. He continued to dig, eventually grasping onto a metal chain. He pulled it out and stared at it. It was the thin silver chain that Robin had been wearing around her neck. At the end of the chain was her engagement ring and wedding ring. Barney turned the rings over in his hand, smiling as he read the inscription on the inside of the wedding band.

_Challenge accepted._

His phone buzzed, and he pulled it out to see an incoming text from Lily. _Just left the hotel. On our way._

He put his phone back in his pocket and took Robin's hand. "Hey, baby, I'm back. The gang's on their way over. They flew all the way here, to Poland, just to see you. You're pretty special, huh?" he smirked. He took the chain that he had grasped in his fist and gently placed it around Robin's neck, reaching around her oxygen tubes to clasp the ends together. "There you go. Better keep those safe."

Barney blinked back the tears that were beginning to sting in his eyes. He gazed lovingly at his ex-wife, watching her as she slept. He sat like that for quite some time, watching her chest rise and fall and listening to the soft beeping of the heart monitor. A nurse slipped in the room, smiling as she watched the couple.

"_Jak długo jesteście małżeństwem?"_

Barney turned to look at her. "Oh… um…"

The nurse's eyes widened. "Oh! I am sorry," she replied, her accent thick. "How long have you been married?"

"Uh, we're not. We were, but now… I don't know anymore. We got divorced, but I still love her. And I think she still loves me. At least I hope she does." He chuckled. "She's going to be stuck with me for a while."

The nurse smiled. "You take care of her, okay? I will take care of her brain, you take care of her heart. Okay?"

Barney smiled back. "Okay."

Barney turned back to Robin as the nurse left. It wasn't long before his phone buzzed again.

_We're here. Where are you?_

Barney opened the text to reply. _Be right there._

He sighed. "Sorry to leave you again, babe. I'm going to go get Lily and Marshall and Ted and Tracy. I won't be gone long."

He leaned over, planting a kiss on top of the bandages that covered her head as he slipped out of the room once again.


	5. Chapter 5

**This is crazy short, and I'm sorry, I just felt like I needed to get something up. I really should be packing/doing homework, but I just felt like writing instead. I'm going to start working on chapter six possibly Thursday, so I can have that up by possibly next Sunday. Possibly. So sorry for the short chapter, but at least it's something, right? Thanks to everyone for the continued support on the last couple of chapters, and I hope this one doesn't disappoint!**

Chapter 5

"Barney!"

Lily came flying at Barney, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him tightly. She was crying, as were Ted, Tracy, and Marshall. Seeing their upset faces sent Barney into a spiral of sadness once again as he remembered the gravity of their situation. Lily pulled away from him, wiping her eyes. "Are you holding up okay?"

Barney sighed. "Yeah, actually, I'm doing okay. I mean, obviously I'm not great. I mean, the love of my life is in critical condition in a hospital in a foreign country, and before today I hadn't seen her in months, and… and… I've been back there talking to her for hours, but what if she can't hear me? What if something happens and the last conversation she remembers with me is the awkward small talk we made while signing the divorce papers?" He sighed again. "But yeah, getting to actually see her and talk to her has helped calm me down. A lot. I mean, this morning was pretty frantic."

Lily nodded as he spoke, stepping back so he could hug the other three. "What have the doctors told you so far?"

"They said she's… okay? I mean she's in critical condition, and it's a brain injury, so something could always happen, but they're working on getting her stabilized, and they said if she's still doing alright by tomorrow around noon, she could get moved to a larger room in a less-intensive unit."

Marshall grinned. "Hey, that sounds like pretty good news!"

Barney smirked along with him. "Yeah, I guess it is. It's kind of helping me to stay positive, you know?"

Tracy reached up to rub the back of his shoulder. "Good for you, Barney."

"Oh, that reminds me." Marshall stepped forward, rolling Robin's suitcase and handing Barney her carry-on bag.

"Thank you guys so much for getting this. I just didn't feel comfortable leaving her stuff at the hotel." Barney ushered them all into the waiting room where he had previously been sleeping. It was still empty, the receptionist not paying attention as she clicked away at her keyboard. The gang sat down on the couches around Barney as he opened her bags to look through them. He dug through work files, piles of clothes, and cords from various chargers, before his fingertips grazed something soft. He wrapped his hand around it, pulling out the old, familiar teddy bear. Tears immediately filled his eyes as memories came rushing back to him. He dropped her bag to the ground in front of him, focusing completely on the bear, running his fingers over the soft fur and the small silk tie around its neck. Lilly, who was seated beside him, rubbed small circles on his back as he clutched the bear, sobbing quietly.

"I bought this for her, for… I don't know, Valentine's day? Anniversary? Something. It was cheesy, she laughed at it, but then she would take him with her everywhere. When we were apart, she couldn't sleep, so she would take this… Roosevelt, that's what she named it… she would take Roosevelt to help her sleep. She said that he reminded her of me, and that would help her sleep." Barney swallowed, blinking back the tears that continued to flow. "They gave me her wedding rings. She had them on a chain, apparently she was wearing them around her neck when she got hit." His face fell as he reached into the breast pocket of his suit jacket, pulling out his own silver wedding band. He stared at it for a moment before looking at Lily, whose eyes were wide as she watched him. He then slid the ring onto his left ring finger. "We messed up," he whispered. "We never should've gotten that divorce."

"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but… why did you two get divorced?" Ted asked.

"I don't know anymore. It's just what we thought was best at the time. We should have worked harder though. We just fought a lot, and thought that was it for us but... we were so in love. Always had been. If we had just realized what we were doing and sat down and… I don't know… talked it out? We probably could have made it work. But we were both too stubborn to admit we were wrong or that we should attempt to reconcile. We're both paying for it now, though." He pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes. "I miss her so much. I never thought it would hurt this bad."

Lily let out a small squeaking noise as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Barney glanced over at her. "What?"

She just shook her head. "Nothing, nothing. It's nothing, I know nothing."

Barney turned to face her, glaring. "Spit it out, Aldrin."

Lily let out the breath she had been holding. "It's just… Robin came over a lot after the divorce. When she was in New York, that is. She was so sad, and pitiful. She would just cry all the time. She said, well… she said that you weren't happy with her anymore, that's why she suggested the divorce. She just wanted you to be happy."

Barney cocked his eyebrow. "But we were happy. Together. I was never happier than when I was with Robin. Why would she think that?"

Lily shrugged. "All I know is that she's still crazy in love with you."

Barney could feel his heart sink at the news. He twisted his wedding band on his finger, staring at the teddy bear that he had carelessly dropped on top of her suitcase. He sat like that for a while before standing up, grabbing the bear. "Be right back," he announced as he left the room. He walked straight down the hallway, entering the unit that Robin was in and marching to her room. He quietly slid the door closed behind him and stepped towards her bed.

"Hey, sweet girl. I'm back. The gang's here, everyone came to see you. Maybe I'll bring them back later, but… I was talking to Lily, and she told me why you suggested the divorce, and I just… I love you, baby. Always have, always will. Don't you ever think otherwise, okay?" he paused, as if she would somehow respond.

"I have something to give you." He stepped forward, tucking the teddy bear under her arm. "I'm not going to be able to stay with you all the time, and I'll have to leave for the night, but here's Roosevelt. He's going to help you sleep, okay?" Barney took his regular spot in the chair beside her bed, sliding it closer and taking her hand in his. He sat like that for a few minutes, watching her carefully for any sort of a reaction. He then stood, leaning over to kiss her cheek. "I gotta get back to the gang now. Sleep well. Get your rest so you can get better. I need you to get better. I love you so much, baby."


End file.
